This is such a touchy subject because some people tend to diminish other people's feelings about someone they have lost, and how they should have or should not have handled it. How can one do that? Why do people do that? This is the million dollar question.
Some people feel as though, because they didn't react a certain way about the loss of their loved one, that others should not act a certain way about theirs. However, we must all remember that each of us are different. Some people are wired completely different and it's totally okay. But to look at a person and feel they should be over their loved ones death, or handle their loss like you handled yours, is an absolute no no.
As a matter of fact, you may never get over the death of your loved one. But, you can survive! I just want to encourage the person reading this that you will survive this season of grief in your life. Grief is a tough process; we all must allow ourselves to go through each stage. You don't have to feel bad because someone didn't cry about their mother, father, son, or daughter's passing. This also doesn't make them heartless. However, it's just the way some people process, watch this...in the sight of others.
Now, I do want to say this. You will want to be alone, and that's totally okay. There will be days that you will not want to get out of bed. But let me help you through this time, and tell you what has been keeping me through the loss of my parents...THE STRENGTH OF GOD! I had to depend on Him to bring me through. Then the love of my family and close friends. I've allowed them in, but knew when I needed my alone time as well. Some people are scared to move on because they feel if they do anything fun outside of what one may feel grieving is (staying sad, being in the dark, not answering phone calls), that they are leaving their loved one behind. This is also why some people are afraid to move forward. I've been there! I had to remember one thing, that I still have to LIVE, and make the best of this life that I have left. Nothing changes that the fact that my loved one was here, and made a big impact in my life. So I choose to carry out the legacy they left behind for me, and LIVE!
Accepting that I have lost my loved one, doesn't mean that I am quite over it. But it means that I had to learn to survive. The reason we can survive is because God gives us hope about seeing our beloved again.
1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as other who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus.
I live my life to one day see God...and also my parents, grandparents, and some close friends who went home to God. Although it still hurt, I have hope. This is the reason that I can still smile when I think about the losses that I have endured. Scriptures is a sure way to help us through grief. Not only that, I love that God doesn't expect us to be strong, because He will be strong for us. He gave us the grace to handle the loss that we have experienced.
I love to encourage others who are grieving, because obviously I know what it is like. I also understand what can happen if you sit still and quiet too long by yourself. So I like to encourage the bereaved to keep telling stories about their loved one. Sometimes when I'm counseling others through grief, I like to hear them talk about what that person meant to them. I watch the enthusiasm that they have while telling stories that I may or may not have known, depending on who the person is. I watch their faces light up, and I will tell them, "your loved one is still alive." Although they are not here physically, their spirit lives on, and they left you with such great memories.
This is something new that The Lord added to my collection of encouraging scriptures. Isaiah 55:10 "As the rain and the snow comes down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."
God recently showed me this for our loved ones, especially those people who are very young, or even babies. We don't always understand, and it hurts more than ever. When you look at a life that ended, you can't help but wonder, why would God allow this. But then He showed me through scripture in reference to this topic. Nothing sent down here from heaven is useless. Everything has a major purpose. Even that young man and young woman, or babies... they had a purpose. Some purposes are shorter than others, but believe me, it was served. God lets us know that His word is not void, and will complete the assignment that He sent it down to earth to achieve. So, you can applaud because your loved one's life served a purpose. Some people had an assignment to encourage others. Some had an assignment to bring people together. Some had an assignment to help a person experience true love. But no matter what or how long, that assignment was fulfilled according to Scripture. We think they should have had a lot more, but God gave them a specific assignment and decided to call them home. Why? Because they completed their task on this side of heaven.
There is a reason for every person on this earth, including you and me. The reason that we haven't gone anywhere is because our purpose haven't been completely fulfilled. So, God is still working in and through us. My friends you will go through the process, but you will survive. As you go through the process, I just want to make sure you go through in a healthy manner. Some people begin to drink, smoke, lay around, and do all kinds of things that's a detriment to your health. How will this behavior help those who are watching you? How will it help those who are depending on you? So during our process, we have to be sure that it will not cause others to want to give up, stumble, and throw in the towel. So take a moment, sit back, breathe, and then pray...and do it all over again. Lean on God, and hold Him tight.
You may never get over it my friend, but you will survive...because it will get a little easier day by day!
God, I ask for help for my brothers and sisters who are struggling with grief. I pray that you give them strength to endure this hard time in their life. Encourage them to stay faithful even through the process. In Jesus name, Amen!!!